How To Be a Table Dancer Content from the guide to life, the universe and everything

How To Be a Table Dancer

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Dancing on tables, being more lucrative than waiting tables, presents some opportunities for the genetically well-endowed with some physical co-ordination skills to make a killing for college tuition or whatever1.

So, you want to be a table dancer, an exotic-dancer, a stripper? It's a tough job, and you'll want to think very carefully about whether or not you want to do it at all, but there can be lot of money to be made, if you end up in the right place. Here you'll find some sound advice about what to expect, and how to avoid the pitfalls in the business.

Strip clubs, or topless bars, or whatever you call them, exist in just about every community where there are men and women. Before getting a job in one, you might want to consider a couple of things.

  • What's the legal status of 'adult entertainment' in your community, for starters?

  • Is the club really what it claims to be, or is it a front for a brothel?

In certain parts of the world, you can pretty much count on the answer to that second question being a yes.

In many developed countries, the business is legit. The clubs just can't be next door to schools or churches and they often end up in a part of town that poses its own risks, so this in another thing you should be aware of. If you've found the club, and decided that working there is the job for you, the next question is whether you're the one for the job.

Most table dancing clubs exist for guys to look at girls. There are other kinds, so if you're a guy with rippling pectoral muscles, you can probably find a place to work, too. Don't get confused and apply for a job for the gender you're not, or you'll just be embarrassed. The emphasis of this entry is on girls, so once you've checked out your anatomy to confirm that you do have breasts, you're ready to get started.

Getting Started

Getting the job isn't that hard, unless you've chosen a really ritzy place to work in, where they might want you to have some experience already. At most clubs, you just show up and talk to a manager or something. They agree to let you try it out for a night and see what you think. You check the place out, get a feel for it, see what the other girls are doing and what kind of costumes they're doing it in, and you get ready for your first night dancing. Being flexible and basically in good shape will help here, although you can make money whether or not you can hold paper currency between your breasts while doing the splits.

Of course even a girl without a huge bosom can get by if she's creative with her dance routines and she knows how to pose. That's a little difficult to articulate of course, but you'll know it when you see it so just checkout what other girls are doing and always remember, repetitive repetition is only exciting if you're doing it yourself. Watching it only causes people to yawn... repetitively.

Different places are set up differently. In most clubs, there's a main stage, where one girl at a time does her main routine, for one or two songs. While you're dancing up there, guys can approach the stage for a closer view. You give them a little show, and they give you a tip.

Some clubs only have the main stage. Others also have side stages, which often double as tables. There's usually some rotation, from the main stage and then around the room on tables, some of which might be equipped with poles...

Pole Dancing

Being able to climb or shinny up a chrome plated pole2 is a very useful skill to include in a really creative routine. In many places these poles are actually installed in the centre of the tables, which have centres because they're round so all the guys sitting at them get pretty much the same show and don't have to yell, 'Down in front!' or something.

However, you need to be able to do this stuff with some semblance of grace. And if you seem to be a little unco-ordinated the first time, don't despair because you may already have the requisite skills. For instance, you could practice the routines from those gymnastics lessons your mama paid for.
You'll soon realise, too, that pole dancing is sort of different from what fireman do when they slide down one, because the idea is not to put out the fire but to start one. That's because poles aren't just poles to the guys watching.

After the rotation of stages, again depending on the club, you usually have a while to 'work the floor'. This means spending a little more quality time with your customers, and making a lot more money. It's different from club to club, but there's usually some arrangement where you can dance for one customer for an entire song, for a sum much larger than what you make on the main stage. This might happen right there at their table, or it might be a 'lap-dance' in a different room entirely, or just off in a dark corner.

This is where your club's rules will come into play. Most places have some kind of 'no touching' policy in effect, and there are bouncers to enforce it if a guy starts getting fresh. More frequently, guys will just say things that might or might not make you uncomfortable. You get used to it, and remember, you don't have to dance for anyone you don't want to dance for.

Plenty of your customers will be perfectly nice and well-behaved, and have lots of compliments for you about your dancing, your body, and whatever else they can think of. More to the point, they'll keep paying you for dance after dance, and everyone's happy.

Getting Paid

This is, after all, why you're there. Rules vary from one club to the next, but a typical set-up will involve 'tipping out'. You collect tips from customers all night, at some fixed rate per dance, plus anything extra they decide to give you because you're just so charming. At the end of your shift, you'll be expected to give some fixed amount of that money to the DJ, waitresses and anyone else working at the club. The amount you have to tip out may vary, depending on how many nights you work that week, whether you're a regular or a first timer, and other factors.

After tipping out, the rest of the money you've made is yours, and if it's enough to cover rent, food, tuition, etc, then you're making a living!

Things to Remember

Table dancing can be exhausting, physically and emotionally. The physical part is obvious, but the mental one is also important. It's hard to explain, but fulfilling a bunch of guys' fantasies, night after night, takes something out of you. Some girls are able to present themselves very naturally to their customers, just being themselves and being friendly. More commonly, you'll find yourself putting on a persona when you're at work. Having a stage name can help with this, and it's a good way to keep your professional and personal lives separate. Something that can help with this, and also make your act more interesting, is to use a costume that represents some sexy persona: a naughty schoolgirl, a cheerleader, a secretary, a dominatrix... whatever.

Back to the physical aspect... Remember to stay in shape to avoid injuries from straining muscles you didn't know you had because you never bothered to ask your body where those muscles were. Remember too that guys aren't going to pay to see something they can see at home for free.

1The quoted portions of this entry are taken from a piece written by a Researcher with experience working as a table dancer in the United States.2Because it's physically demanding, pole dancing has also become a popular type of exercise, in some circles. In purely fitness oriented pole-dancing, it's not expected that you take your clothes off.

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